What becomes of the brokenhearted?

I can not help everything reminds me of a song-even a song from the 70s.
I had my first good cry today after being home. I consider that a victory bc I know after the last two babies I barely made it a few days. I received an email from the foster family who took care of Ai-Le the last year of her life. I had received one in Ch*na however I think I was too much in shock to decipher what I was reading. The home is called Morning Star. They have a home in Be*jing and a home in Uganda. They are an American/Christian couple who were both adopted,have two adopted daughters,and have given their lives to help care for orphans. Their story is amazing.
If you look at their blog, it contains pics of Ai-Le Kate-under the name of "Hannah" her internet name.  http://www.morningstarproject.org/
I was moved to tears after reading the blog as well as the latest email from her. I know
Ai-Le Kate was loved and would not have thrived without the care they provided. I'm so thankful to be in contact with them.

Once again, the hardest thing-aside from communication barriers-is sleep time but not in the way you would think. The last several days we napped in her big girl bed. She fought me but finally fell asleep. So wednesday night I tried to lay her in her pack n play and she went hysterical. She wanted to stay in her bed. She grabbed her blanket and laid down and fell asleep. Then I wondered if I should leave her there. Some sweet friends bought us rails for the bed and had them waiting for us when we got home, however, it's been a while since I've had a toddler and I wasn't sure if she would be ok there all night. Well, evidently (at least for the last few nights anyway) she was fine. She slept from 8-7. Last night she went to bed without a tear! She tossed and turned and flipped and flopped but she eventually fell asleep-woke up at 4:30-had a little water-and went back to sleep till 7:30. So we said good-bye and packed up the pack n play. After breakfast she was ready to head out. She went and grabbed her new favorite shoes and whined until I got her dressed. As much as she dislikes wearing a bow-she even grabbed her bow bc she knew I would put one in before we headed out. I hadn't even finished my coffee yet! Oh well. So, yesterday at nap time-she fought me hard. She cried and screamed for a good while. It was that sad, "my heart is broken" cry. She kept pointing to the door and then she started pushing on me. She wanted me to leave, so I did. She covered herself with her blanket and went to sleep. I'm sure many think that's a good sign. I'm just not sure. Maybe she was mad at me bc I was forcing her to take a nap. Maybe it's bc I took her away from the only family she knew and loved.  Maybe she just never had anyone want to cuddle with her and doesn't understand.  Maybe her heart IS broken. Probably a combination.
I know she will never remember this age. I know she will never remember what she had or didn't have or what she has been through. HOWEVER, her life WILL be different bc of it. Imagine how different our other children would be if they were never rocked to sleep, or sang to, or read to, or cuddled and kissed, or prayed over the first- almost 3 years of their lives. How different would they be as 5 year olds, 10 year olds, teenagers, or even adults? We can change her future but her past is her past. Only God can change how she feels about it. The bible says God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.  My prayer is that He will do that even before she knows she needs it.

Here are more pics. Not too many smiles but, nevertheless, sweet. She's so fast it's hard to get a good smiley pic.

She knows what to do

She's a safety girl-proud NRA member

Noodles and nuggets

Perfect Chick fil A combo

Got these pics from age 2

Loves her picnic basket

Loves the jogging stroller- in short intervals

Bye-bye